Catching Up

There has been a bit of a hiatus. In the naive way that only a first-time-mom can dream, I truly believed the following things:
a) pregnancy couldn't get worse than it was at 35 weeks
b) I would be able to "sleep when the baby sleeps"
c) I would be able to use my brain to think about things other than nursing and counting poops
d) I thought for sure I would be able to read a book here and there in all my "down time"

What I have now learned is:
a) Week 39 is SO much worse
b) I COULD sleep when the baby sleeps, but then I would have to forego showers and food
c) Not only can I not wrap my brain around anything else besides nursing and pooping, but I can't even keep that straight, so I write it down (along with when I take out and feed the dog, lest she starves, poor thing)
d) Not only are there no books being opened, in my "downtown" (joke) the only things my brain can absorb are MTV reality shows (Teen Mom 2 anyone?) or the E! network...

But I am finally able to write coherent sentences! Hurrah! And here is the reason for all this... Jack Estrela Mattison... born December 22, 2011

34 weeks down

Today I hit 34 weeks. And I am tired. Very tired. And I feel very big. I am also very aware that the time is nearing where the labor could be begin. I know it is unlikely that it will happen in the next two weeks... but it could. It seems that the one thing people like to do when you're pregnant is tell you their own "I was SUPER early" or "I was SUPER late" stories. So really, according to every individual story out there, it could happen at any moment between now and mid January. EEEEE.
I have heard and read several times that the last weeks of pregnancy are geared to make you WANT to go into labor (code for: let's make you so uncomfortable you'd rather push a watermelon out of a keyhole than stay this way). I have certainly gotten to that point. Here is a list of things that, as a result of my melon-stomach, are very difficult to do:
Tie my own shoes
Put on pants
Touch the floor for any other reason
Have Petunia sit on my lap (sad dog)
Sit close to the table
Walk briskly (although I do try)
Walk up hills at any pace
Shave my legs
Get up from the coach unassisted
Use my abdominal muscles
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT
This last one is the killer. JUST GET ME THERE!!

Birthing Class

Everyone recommends that new parents take a birthing class. Originally we were going to do a 6 week class, but our schedules got crazy, and instead we decided to pack it all into 1 weekend. 8 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday. This happened this past weekend. There was not a TON of new information, but plenty of opportunity to ask questions like "do I wear glasses or contacts during labor?", "when EXACTLY do I go to the hospital?" and "how do I introduce my dog to my baby"?. There were funny things about this class as well. For one, our instructor had a significant high-pitched wheeze. Every three sentences or so she would take a sharp breath in and you could hear a loud whistling. This happened about every three sentences for 8 hours on Saturday and 4 hours on Sunday. Another helpful thing was discussing and practicing pain management. Breathing, positioning yourself differently, distracting yourself from the pain with back massages (this was nice), etc. To practice this breathing and relaxation, we did some visualization meditation. However, I don't know about you, but visualizing my own labor and giving birth is not very relaxing, nor is being propped up on pillows that caused an incredible burning pain around my lower back and my tailbone and poor SHM, who had to support me by leaning back on his hands for 25 minutes. Nor was the snoring woman next to us (although clearly she was plenty relaxed). Or the insufferable church laughter that we both inevitably had and it was SO bad!
Despite all of this, the class was great at easing fears and talking through a lot of scary but inevitable aspects of giving birth. The best part about it all was that SHM was able to sit through the whole thing without feeling faint or squeamish, and this included a play by play of a c-section which I had to turn away from. So at least we know he'll make it:) YAY!

Things Beyond My Control

Minor and Major Things That are Beyond My Control:

1. The weather on my wedding day
2. The weather in general
3. Waiting 45 minutes for a table at my favorite restaurant that does not take reservations
4. Changes in other peoples' schedules that affect my schedule
5. My due date
6. The gender of the person delivering my baby....

My doctor's office is all women. It specializes in women's issues and all its doctors are women. While I have had the same doctor throughout my pregnancy, I was told early on that in my third trimester I would start rotating through all the doctors, in case my doctor was not available for when I go into labor. Yesterday, at my 31-week check up, I was informed that actually, there are 4 more doctors who share the weekend rotation. Oh yeah, and one's a man. Now I know that men have been OBGYNs forever and lots of women go to plenty of male doctors, blah blah, but I am not one of those women. I actually haven't had a male doctor since Chuck, my pediatrician at Mystic Family Clinic and I am pretty sure the last time I saw him I was 6 and getting a booster shot. I have always had women doctors and that is actually specifically why I chose the practice I chose. For no men. I just don't want a man THERE, while I'm doing THAT. No thanks. My current doctor assured me he was very experienced and SUPER nice. Almost as if he KNOWS that he's not what the women of this practice are expecting. Well that's nice... I have no control over my due date, and I have no control over the rotation... I have no control over this situation... I'll breathe, ignore the possibility and remain calm...

My Ability to Keep Thoughts in My Head

I have heard a lot of talk about a condition of pregnancy called "Baby Brain" or "Mommy Brain Drain" and the negative effect it has on one's ability to recall information, tap into short term memory and generally be able to formulate coherent sentences. When I was first pregnant I felt this effect right away. At one point I was so bad that a friend of mine (known to bloggers as Ultimate Chicken) actually guessed my condition based on the fact that I had lost my train of thought twice and forgotten 3 different things in the course of 10 minutes.
But then, like most dreadful side effects of Trimester 1, it disappeared. I was able to keep track of many things at once. And remember them too! Someone could ask me for something at lunch and I would be able to remember it back at my desk 30 minutes later. Amazing.
But alas, the onset of Tri 3 has reduced me once again. Today I have found my head swimming with To Do's for work, home and miscellaneous. I am currently keeping 3 separate lists. My third list is my newest, just started in the car this afternoon when I miraculously remembered that I needed dog food while I was at the bank which is NEXT TO THE PET STORE. If you can't tell from my tone, this sort of serendipity has not been happening to me lately. So I thought I'd try to run with it- was there anything else I could get to pop into my brain? The next minute of thoughts went like this: Yes! I need to write a thank you card for a baby gift, I also need to balance my bank account. And there was more... what was it... let me jot these things down anyway and start driving home, but wait- YES! I remember the third! where is that receipt scrap I have been writing on and a pen, where is my pen? shoot I just HAD it, what car is that in front of me? A new VW? I like it... Got the pen! Wait, what was it that I was writing? BLAST! It's gone. Oh, but I do want to get a hair cut, that wasn't it, but I'll write it down anyway....

I did finally remember what that missing item was, but the list is in my purse in the kitchen and I am in the living room and I cannot for the life of my remember what it was.

Baby Dreams

We are not finding out the sex of our baby. As a result, lots of people have given their predictions and asked me if I have a "feeling" of what it's going to be. Other women have told me that they had signs, or feelings, or they just knew. Some women dream the sex of their baby. My mother, when pregnant with me, said she had a dream where not only did she see what I was, but she saw my exact face! She knew ahead of time what I was going to look like. And I looked just like how she dreamed! That's weird.
So far I have had two dreams:

Dream #1 was at about 16 weeks or so. I was in a warehouse of some sort. My parents were there and my brother and sister in law and SHM. Everyone was going about their business, doing their own thing in the warehouse which was all completely normal. I am pregnant in the dream, but not very... maybe half way, but I suddenly go into labor. I start yelling to people because I know that I am early, but the baby just shoots right out. Probably within 30 seconds. I am relieved, no labor! That was so easy! And I have a boy. A suddenly 3 year old boy, with red hair. Everyone is excited.

Dream # 2 was at about 20 weeks. This time I am completely asleep for the labor (are you noticing a theme?) and wake up to SHM handing me the baby. This time it's a girl. I am a little bummed that I missed out on the entire birthing experience, although I am happy that I am not in pain. This time I am in a proper hospital. But it looks like a ski chalet, and we have two rooms, one with a fire place. Petunia is there with us as well. SHM and I look at each other and look at our girl. I keep saying the name we have picked out in advance and he doesn't respond. Finally I say "don't you like this name? I thought we had agreed on it?" and he says "sure sure, we can change it" and then I am confused. What is her name then? SHM replies "Stephanie Francesco". At this point I start to yell and cry, and I think I throw my phone at him and yell something that I cannot call my parents and tell them the baby is named Stephanie Francesco. He says "ok, ok, I'll change it, no bid deal". And that's the end of the dream.

So those are my two dreams so far. Not very helpful in terms of predicting the sex. Although now, instead of calling the baby "it" we call it "Steffi Francesco".

The Plights of Pregnancy Catch Up to Me

At week 28 I have been reading more books and blogs about pregnancy. I have to say, compared to some of the stories I have read, my pregnancy hasn't been so bad (KNOCK ON LOTS OF WOOD). There are a lot of side effects associated with pregnancy that have kept a happy distance from me. There was some fatigue and nausea first trimester, but nothing too severe. I never actually threw up which seems like a miracle, and I could keep a fairly good handle on my upset stomach by taking my prenatals at night and keeping to a strict diet of cereal, macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, and anything made out of carbs. And then, as I entered week 12, the nausea went away. Salads, chicken, fish and other healthy sources of protein no longer make me cringe- hurrah!
I spent my second trimester waiting for various shoes to drop. I was waiting for the heightened sense of smell, the weird food cravings, the spidery stretch marks. But.. nothing... So far, so good.
Until today. Today I am starting to feel quite pregnant. As I scurry across campus from one meeting to another, I feel more like I'm waddling then walking. I have been drinking lots of water (need to stay hydrated!), but today, the baby has decided to plant itself upon my bladder. So of course, I've gone to the bathroom a million times and probably within ten minutes of going, I start to need to go again. But, of course, the urge to go is not gradual like it should be. It's urgent, immediate. Like something is pressing hard on my bladder, and then kicks me in the bladder in case I wasn't getting the message.
Finally, for the past few weeks, in the evenings when SHM and I are done watching TV, he has been sweet and given me little boosts off the couch. We laugh about it, and the fact that "wow, I'm really looking pregnant". But it has always been more of a gesture then really necessary. Tonight, as I sit on the couch writing this blog, I need to get up and go to the bathroom. The effort both of us need to put forth in getting me off the couch is no longer a "little boost" nor is it a gesture. It is quite real and quite necessary. This realization and the fact that I still have 12 weeks to go and the baby has about 5 pounds to gain is my biggest plight of pregnancy so far.