Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Hale Fail

For those of you who know my husband, you know that THINGS happen to him. I wouldn't consider any of them to be tragic or serious, but they are irritating and consistent. You may recall the splinter story, or heard the dirt muffin story (or if not, you should... seriously... dirt in his, baked in... several times, with years in between incidents). Now after 4 years together, these things have transfered to me. Things are happening to me that would never happen before I met SHM. They happen when I am with him and when I am alone. So, here are some terms we have coined, named after SHM, who has dealt these THINGS on a daily basis, his whole life.

Hale Fail: noun: Something that happens to you that is incredibly minor and uneventful, but irritating. A Hale Fail will happen with such frequency, that despite how small it is, its effect on you will compound and become so annoying that after several have occurred, you will have a grossly inappropriate reaction causing you to look overly sensitive or angry. You aren't, but there's only so much one can take.
Super Hale Fail: noun: When the Hale Fail that causes the inappropriate reaction happens in public and you have to hold in your scream/yell/curse.

Here are some events that have happened to me in the past 6 months; examples of a Hale Fail:

1) Dropping your car keys 4 consecutive times while holding a baby, a diaper bag and a dog leash (and each time your dog is startled and lunges away from you, pulling you and baby and bag with her).
2) Hitting yourself in the same spot on your shin with a car seat or stroller so that you have a permament bruise (Super Hale Fail: When it happens at The Club's Father's Day BBQ).
2a)SHM would add: Biting the inside of your cheek, and then it is sore and swells, causing several more bites, each more painful than the previous bite.
3) While eating steak shish-kabob and pulling off a bit of steak, the skewer somehow bounces back and you stab yourself in the thumb, drawing blood.
4) You are watching the Australian Open Championship match, Nadal v. Djokovich, 6 hours in, it is a historically long match. You have stopped and started this match along the way so you are no longer watching it live. You are watching what is to be the final set, when the emergency test signal comes on, negating your recording. When it comes back to the match, it's over.

If you wonder if you are having a Hale Fail ask yourself one of the following questions:
a)Have you dropped the same item more than twice within 2 minutes (particularly if you are in a rush)?
b)Have you injured yourself in the spot more than once?
c)Have you forgotten or failed to realize something super DUPER obvious, often with financial consequences?
d)Do you exercise extreme caution, to the point of awkwardness,to protect your extremities because of past Hale Fails (ex: stepping two feet above a low rope to avoid tripping)?
e)Have you done absolutely nothing wrong at all, and yet people fail to have your appointment correct, or name in their system?

If you have answered "yes" to any of these, you have experienced a Hale Fail.

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